


These Scars Run Deep

by ObsianCaetus



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Action & Romance, Action/Adventure, Eventual Smut, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Scars
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2020-03-01 06:03:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18794446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ObsianCaetus/pseuds/ObsianCaetus
Summary: “We die a little every day and by degrees we’re reborn into different people, older people in the same clothes, with the same scars.” - Mark LawrenceA re-imagining of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, using the Sole Survivor background as the basis for Commander Shepard's story.





	1. FUBAR

**Author's Note:**

> At the time of this upload, I have been away from fan-fic writing for quite a long time. It was difficult to get back to the stories I had running, as they had numerous consistency errors and just weren't 'me' enough... so I scrapped them. All of them (aside from a few shorts on FFnet).
> 
> This is my new, updated version of Scars/Scars:Novo... re titled to commemorate its rebirth and be more in line with the story theme I going for when telling my version of Shepard's story. I hope previous fans and new ones come to enjoy this new version

“You heard that, right?” Gunnery Chief Williams said as she looked in the direction of the colony.

Commander Cait Shepard had also heard the sharp report of a single shot echo over the still silence that had fallen moments after they had finished a skirmish with more  g eth troops. She put her M-92 Mantis back in the holster on her back, omni-tool flickering to life over her right wrist.

“SPECTRE Nihilus, report.” She said over the comm link, only being met with dead silence. “We better get down there. I don’t like this.”

Her instincts were right and they found Nihilus sprawled on the ground, the front of his face nearly blown to pieces as he lay in a pool of his own  blood . Shepard cursed and immediately hailed the Normandy to report the loss of the SPECTRE to the Captain board and seeking a new plan of action for the fireteam. A loud sound startled all three of them and they turned, guns drawn and raised, as a colonist came scrambling out from behind some of the crates, face pale and slick with sweat.

“Almost blew yer damn head off.” Shepard growled, holstering her N7 Eagle and helping the man to his feet.

“I-I thought you were the  geth ! Or that other turian.” He stammered, mildly relieved to see fellow humans.

“Other turian?” Lieutenant Alenko questioned, glancing down at Nihilus’s corpse. “What other turian?”

“There was a second turian here, seemed to know this one.” He explained, gesturing to the dead SPECTRE. “They got to talking and then he turned his back and that other turian just shot him in the back of the head.”

The fire team shared a look but that sounded as strange as the  geth being here. After reporting to Captain Anderson that they had lost Nihilus to an unknown assailant, they proceeded through the colony, still focused on their initial objective. The  geth tried to erase the evidence of their attack by blowing up the colony but Shepard and her fire team removed the  geth threat and disarmed the bombs. There was still no sign of this supposed second turian the colonist saw and Shepard began to doubt the man’s accounts of what happened to Nihilus.

They arrived on the loading dock where the payload was located; a Prothean relic. Commander Shepard paid it little mind aside from assuring that the area was clear and the thing hadn’t been  rigged with a trap .

“Commander to Normandy. We have the payload secured and ready for extraction.” She reported up to the waiting ship.

“Roger that Commander. Extraction in five minutes.” Joker reported.

“Shepard!” Ashley called in alarm, making the scarred woman spin on her heel, hand going to her service pistol.

To her amazement, it appeared the Prothean relic was active, emitting some kind of green pulse of energy over the spire and what appeared to be a VI interface hovering over one of the panels. However, it seemed something was happening with Alenko as he was struggling against some unseen force that was slowly but steadily dragging him towards the relic. Springing into action, Shepard ran and tackled Kaiden, shoving  him  free of whatever had a hold of him but getting herself caught in it. Unable to regain her footing, Shepard was dragged right towards the humming spire. She screamed as she was lifted, a heavy pressure on her chest as it felt like hot probes were being driven into her skull and spine.

The air burned with the searing heat, the shrieking sound of some kind of laser-type weapon drowning out the sounds of combat… no, not combat, slaughter. Millions dying across numerous worlds in the galaxy, black ships with long arms raining down from the sky as monstrosities swarmed in impossible numbers; twisted amalgamations of flesh and steel.

“Commander!!” Ashley shouted, Kaiden holding her back as she could also get caught in whatever was going on.

The Prothean relic started to crack and glow, the hum it was emitting becoming a shrill keening sound before it shattered, the explosion sending the Commander flying across the dock, unconscious. The pair ran to her, finding blood trickling from a cut on her temple but otherwise alive.

“Joker. Have Dr. Chakwas prep the medbay immediately. The Commander’s hurt… not sure how bad.” Kaiden radioed in, glancing back at the smoking remains of the payload. “And the payload is gone.”


	2. Tit for Tat

The  Presidium bar was quiet in comparison to most establishments Shepard had frequented during her days as a bounty hunter. The lack of noise, however, was a welcome environment as it felt like there was a vice grip clamped to her spine, right under the back of her skull. Her glass sat in front of her, the amber liquid inside untouched as she just stared, mind miles away from where she was right now. It all felt like some surreal dream or hallucination after she woke up on Dr. Chakwas table, head feeling like it was splitting apart.

Taking a deep breath, Shepard emptied the glass in a single breath and got up and left. She just couldn’t sit still, trying to block out the white noise that constantly buzzed in her ear now. Not loud enough to drown out the sounds around her but enough to annoy her.

Despite the operation on Eden Prime going belly-up and Udina’s pitiful attempt to get Saren disbarred from the  SPECTREs with absolutely zero proof of his supposed presence on the colony, she had still been granted a place amongst the  SPECTRE ranks. She didn’t deserve this… she didn’t even belong in the Alliance anymore. So wrapped up in her own thoguhts, Shepard wasn’t even paying attention to where she was walking.

“Shepard! Commander Shepard!!” A winded, feminine voice called behind her.

She paused,  realizing what was happening and turned to find an asari jogging after her in a tight, synthetic dress that identified her as one of The Consort’s attendants. The asari stopped to catch her breath.

“Do I know you?” She asked, not  recognizing the alien woman.

“No but… ah, Sha’ira wished to see you, if you have a moment. I tried to catch you as you passed by but…”

“Surprised she has space in her schedule.” Shepard chuckled ruefully. “I always have time for the Consort. Let’s go.”

The asari followed beside her though they did not speak. Shepard, honestly, wasn’t interested in conversation at the moment. She did ponder, to herself, what Sha’ira  could  want with her. The Consort, rarely, ever called upon someone for social reasons but with Sha’ira, one could never be sure of the asari’s intentions. Shepard found herself being directly led to Sha’ira’s personal office in the back, the asari and human attendants that make up her staff either silently greeting her or tending to clients.

Sha’ira looked up from her terminal when she heard her door open, a smile turning up the corners of her mouth as Shepard crossed the threshold, alone. The scarred woman paused at the top of the stairs as the asari gracefully stood and started to cross the room.

“Cait.” Sha’ira breathed with pleasure, waiting at the bottom of the stairs.

“Sha’ira.” Shepard replied as she started walking down towards the asari. “Rare of you to call upon someone.”

“But not you.” The asari mused with controlled delight, a  smoldering look flickering across her gaze for a  moment as the human took her head and pressed a chaste kiss to her knuckles. “Congratulations are in order from what I understand.”

“Huh? Oh, you mean the  SPECTRE thing?” Shepard sighed. “I don’t know what the hell Nihilus thought he saw in me but I can’t really do anything about it now.”

“Not just that, but also being reinstated to the Alliance.” Sha’ira said gently, sensing the woman’s distress.

“Not my doing either. I thought… it’d feel normal to be back in uniform but I just… it doesn’t feel the same. I don’t deserve this, Sha’ira.” Shepard sighed, brow creasing with frustration as the white noise buzzing in her ears started to grow louder. “What did you call me here for?”

“I wished to see how you were getting long. It’s been some time since we last saw each other. You are troubled.” Sha’ira replied gently, reaching up to brush back an errant strange of hair and tucking it behind the human’s ear.

Shepard flinched as the asari’s touch grazed her scar but she did not pull completely away. Sha’ira relented and studied the human’s tense stance for a moment. “Unfortunately this wasn’t a social call, Cait. I need… your discretion in a delicate matter.”

“Ah, I see. Who’s upset now?” Shepard chuckled, glad for the change of topic.

“There’s been a… misunderstanding with a client. Septimus is his name. He… wished for things from me that I could not provide and has taken to slandering my reputation. I was hoping you could speak with him on my behalf.” Sha’ira explained to her, almost seeming embarrassed.

“Always a misunderstanding with you, Sha’ira. You’re too gentle.” Shepard said in a light, teasing tone. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Don’t hurt him.” Sha’ira warned, poking Shepard in the chest.

“You know me. Perhaps you can do me a  favor in return though.”

“Depends on what this  favor is, Cait.” Sha’ira said cautiously, her brow arching with mild interest.

“I need something on Saren.  Rumor has it that there might be a qunari with that kind of information and they’re somewhere on the Citadel. I need to find them before C-SEC or someone gets a hold of it.” She explained to the asari.

“Saren Arterius. He always had a sore spot for humanity after the First  Contact War, especially your Captain Anderson. You pursue a very dangerous man, Cait. One I am not willing to cross.” Sha’ira sighed, stepping away from her. “However, if there is such information on the Citadel, there will be many interested parties. I could direct you to such an individual.”

“It’s better than nothing.” Shepard nodded, glad for any help in this.

“There is a volus down in the financial district. He’s a stock  broker but he is also a  contact with ties to the Shadow  Broker . If what you seek is here, he’d know about it.” Sha’ira said as she returned to her desk.

“Thank you, Sha’ira. I’ll see what I can do about your little problem.” Shepard teased, heading back up the short flight of stairs.

“Are you free this evening?” Sha’ira called just as the doors opened for the human.

“I can make space. Usual place at seven?” Shepard replied over her shoulder, Sha’ira only giving a coy smile in response. “Then I’ll see you at seven.”


	3. Damsel in Blue

When Liara regained some semblance of consciousness, she found herself staring at the metal lattice of the catwalks that ran through her digsite, a pair of boots flickering under her at what indicated two things; She was being carried and whoever was carrying her was in a hurry. Disoriented and thinking that, somehow, the krogan and his geth had gotten to her, she twisted and thrashed, startling Shepard and forcing the human to drop her. Biotics knocked her back on her ass as Liara attempted to scramble away, fearing for her life.

“Shepard?!” Ashley called in alarm upon hearing the commotion.

“Stand down!” Shepard called as the fire team stopped, the volcano still shaking around them as sulfuric gas continued to bleed into the air. “Dr. T’Soni, it’s alright! We’re here to rescue you.” She shouted as another quake cracked the surrounding rocks and more poisoned air started to bleed out with a wicked hiss. “But we have to get out of here else this volcano is gonna kill us all.”

Liara didn’t comprehend, exactly, what was happening but this human and her team, which was a surprising combination of humans, a krogran, turian and quarian, seemed to be on her side. She clasped the hand held out to her and found herself being hauled to her feet and running. They reached the elevator platform that had brought them down here, the supports groaning and screeching as the pressure of the impending eruption pressed on the ancient Prothean site. A massive quake caused the power to flicker and elevator screeched to a halt, permitting the krogan mercenary and what few geth he had left to drop in.

“Hand her over, human and maybe you’ll get out of here with your hides intact. Maybe.”

Shepard’s response was to draw her side arm and take out one of the geth, optic exploding in a shower of metal, sparks and fluid as it collapsed. She threw herself over the asari as she dragged her charge behind cover. Liara cowered next to the human as the elevator shuddered to life and resumed its ascent. Gunfire ricocheted off the metal and sent shards of rock flying, opening new vents for sulfuric air to bleed in.

“ Shite !” Shepard shouted as she shoved Liara out of the way of the krogan’s charge, getting trampled as she was right in his path. With a roaring battlecry, the krogan dug his fingers into the collar of her chestplate and hoisted her up with one arm, as if she weighed nothing.

She cried out in pain as the krogan slammed her into the rock, sharp stone scraping grooves into her  armor and threatening to rip pieces of her skull off the back of her head. She went for the combat knife she kept hidden in her left arm guard. The krogan howled as the blade cut him across the snout, forcing him to let her go. Despite the throbbing pain against her skull and the constant quakes, Shepard landed on her feet and rushed the krogran as he scrambled for his shotgun. He swatted aside her jab but was taken by surprise when she slammed her forehead into his crest plate, splitting a massive gash across her face. The blade found its way to his throat, right into a major artery and she twisted and yanked the serrated half of the blade back towards herself, the krogan choking on its own blood.

The elevator lurched to a halt, a foot shy of the exit and they all had to climb out but with the geth in pieces and the krogan choking to death on his own blood and the sulfuric air, they extracted Liara with minutes to spare before the volcano fully erupted, the Normandy shaking as it pulled away and headed back for the Mass Relay. Both Liara and Shepard barely  cleared the air lock before collapsing.

Liara awoke some time later, finding herself laying on a table in a fresh change of clothes. Her body felt heavy and lips cracked and dry from days of dehydration.

“Oh good, you’re awake finally.” A woman in an Alliance medical uniform said, looking up from her monitor. “How are you feeling, Dr. T’Soni?”

“Who… where am I?” She asked, not sure how she got here as she sat up and swung her legs around so they dangled over the side of the table.

“You are aboard the SSV Normandy and under the care of Commander Cait Shepard… well I suppose it would be  SPECTRE Cait Shepard but she’ll always be Commander to us humans.” She chuckled. “Where are my manners? I am Dr. Chakwas, the Normandy’s medical officer.”

“ SPECTRE ? There are no human  SPECTREs .” She said incredulously.

“There is now. I imagine you haven’t been keeping up to date with the rest of the galaxy the past few months.” The elderly woman chuckled as she got up. “Cait’s promotion is recent…”

The conversation trailed off when the doors to the medbay opened, drawing both their attention to the woman in Alliance fatigues walking in. Liara had not gotten a good look at the woman during her rescue but now she could have a proper study. The Commander was a lean woman, with wiry muscled limbs that spoke of strength born from years of service. The left side of her face and her left arm were marred by a twisted web of scars. Despite the absolute horror the damaged flesh spoke of, Liara found her eyes drawn to the intense green eyes of the woman, contrasted by her nearly orange hair that hung loose to her shoulders. The wounds she had sustained during the mission had been expertly patched up by Dr. Chakwas but there was now a new scar to her collection; running from just above her left eyebrow, diagonally down across her nose, and ending an inch under her right eye.

“Dr. Liara T’Soni? Glad to see you on the mend. I  apologize for the… abruptness of the situation.” Shepard greeted with an official, stern tone.

“T-thank you for your timely rescue, Commander. I… just don’t understand why you or that krogan came looking for me.” Liara replied nervously.

“Saren Arterius sent the krogan and the geth,” the human explained. “Unfortunately, I came looking for you to glean insight on why your mother would ally with him. Did not occur to me he would forcibly kidnap or assassinate you.”

“My… Benezia?” Liara said with surprise. “I… don’t know what I can tell you, Commander. We’re not exactly on speaking terms.”

“I see. It’s a strange situation, for all of us.” Shepard sighed. “Unfortunately, the Council has… ‘requested’ that I bring you back to the Citadel for a full interrogation.”

“Oh. Am… I under arrest?” Liara asked meekly.

“No. As far as I’m concerned, you are a guest on my ship. If you need anything, please just let me or Dr. Chakwas knows. We have some other leads to follow so we’re not going back to the Citadel directly.” Shepard said to her.

“I’ve prepared a space for you in the supply storage back there.” Dr. Chakwas interjected, gesturing towards the door at the back. “It’s not much but it will give you privacy.”

Shepard noticed the leery look on Liara’s face and quietly cleared her throat. “It’s not a prison, Dr. T’Soni. I will be blunt, I’ve only been a  SPECTRE for a few weeks now and this crew… well, as you saw, there are three aliens working with an otherwise human crew in pursuit of a rogue  SPECTRE that, somehow, has got the geth to work for him. I don’t expect you to  fraternize with my crew but I also have no intention of being your jailor. As far as I’m concerned, I’m not the Council’s lap dog.” Shepard paused to take a breath and see if Liara had anything to say in response. “You are welcome to come and go as you please, as long as you don’t endanger yourself or my ship.”

“I understand and thank you, Commander.” Liara said quietly, still quite overwhelmed by the events of the past few days.

Without another word, Shepard turned and left the med bay, Dr. Chakwas exhaling the breath she had been holding. Liara noticed and gave the woman a quizzical look.

“Forgive me. Cait is… still readjusting to her command position.” Dr. Chakwas sighed, noticing the curious, quizzical look on her face. “You’re wondering about the scars.” She had waited for the Commander to be out of the medbay before voicing that observation

“I… I didn’t mean to stare.” Liara mumbled, averting her gaze to the floor of the room.

“It’s quite alright. I think she’s used to being stared at because of them. She was a lieutenant when she got those. Thresher Maw ambushed her squad during a search and rescue mission. Only survivor.”

“By the Goddess…” Liara breathed in stunned amazement.

“You should rest, Dr. T’soni. It’s been a long few days for us all. I’ll make sure a nice hot meal is ready for you when you wake.” The medical officer offered gently to her.

“T-thank you. Rest sounds… lovely.” Liara stammered, sliding off the bed and heading towards the back where her ‘room’ would be for the next few days, mind still swirling from the day’s events and heart aching at the loss of her digsite.


	4. A New Direction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay in updates. A lot of things happened in my personal life and I'm, currently, trying to take better care of myself and improve both mental and physical health.

Liara walked out of the C-SEC interrogation room looking a bit pale, the turian that had been grilling her escorting her to the front desk so she could be processed out. Four hours since the Normandy docked back at the Citadel and the scarred human  commander had handed her, reluctantly, over to waiting C-SEC officers. That was the last she saw of her and now Liara found herself stranded on the CItadel. Still reeling from the attack on her digsite, Liara was acutely aware that her stomach is rumbling and she could really use some comfort cuisine to help settle her nerves.

There was an asari fusion restaurant on the east side of the Presidium and the sky car ride gave her time to calm herself down and start collecting her thoughts together. The maiden was shaken by all she had heard. Though she had been distant from her mother for several decades, Liara was confident that she still knew the matriarch well enough that this was not normal  behavior for her. Siding with a turian, allowing her life to be threatened, commanding the  Geth , it was all too much for her to take in all at once so soon after the attempt on her life.

“Here you go Cait. I even snuck in some extra candies for Saekae.”

The name caught Liara’s attention and she looked up from her broody thoughts to see her scarred rescuer standing at the counter, taking a bag from the  pick-up counter of the restaurant. The asari and the human seemed quite familiar with each other as the woman chuckled.

“ You’re going to get me into trouble again.” Cait chuckled, nearly running into Liara as she turned around. “Dr. T’soni!!  My bad , I didn’t see you there…”

Cait’s voice trailed off, surprised to run into the asari here. Liara struggled with words, a dark tinge coming to her cheeks. The asari at the counter smirked knowingly and leaned forward.

“Don’t worry, the human is a big softy under that battle-scarred exterior.” She teased.

“W-we’ve met before!” Liara stammered, caught completely off-guard.

“Zelilma, go make yourself useful.” Cait said, rolling her eyes, the asari laughing as she wandered off to tend to another customer. “Are you alright, Dr. T’Soni?”

“Y-yes! Just… wasn’t expecting to run into you again.” Liara continued to stammer, her nerves getting the best of her.”

Though the asari’s inability to meet her gaze, fretting, and the fact that her voice was shaky said otherwise, Cait didn’t press. She suddenly remembered she was in the middle of something.

“Oh, I better deliver this before it gets cold. Dr. T’Soni, if you have a moment, would you mind walking with me? I wished to pick your brain about Protheans.”

Liara simply nodded and followed besides the human, who seemed so ordinary when not in her  armor , though her physique and stride was still that of a soldier. It was a few minutes before the human spoke again, allowing her time to calm herself down.

“How do you think the Protheans disappeared?” Cait asked.

“Disappeared? Well… that would be an accurate statement to their fate. It’s a puzzle I haven’t figured out yet.” Liara replied, the topic of conversation one she was very familiar with. “The fate of the Protheans makes no sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when a  civilization falls, there’s evidence left behind, lots of it. Ruins, documents, even bones. However, there’s very little left of the Protheans… as if they barely existed in the first place.”

“Or someone tried to erase them.” Shepard muttered, barely loud enough for Liara to catch it.

“What? That… that would actually make sense. How did you come to that conclusion?”

“It… well I guess it’s not classified anymore since I’m a SPECTRE.” Shepard chuckled ruefully at the thought. “A few weeks ago, I was assigned to a mission to a human colony that discovered a functional Prothean beacon.”

“What?!” Liara exclaimed, loud enough to draw the attention of several onlookers as they passed by. “S-sorry! I just… I can’t believe a working one was found! Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a chance to study it in depth.”

“Unfortunately, the beacon malfunctioned and exploded while we were trying to extract it. The  geth attacked us and that’s… how we ended up on your trail.”

“That was very fortunate for me.” Liara muttered, feeling heat suffuse her cheeks again.

Their conversation tapered off as their path led them to a massive, open air park. Liara  marveled at the gorgeous landscape, one of the opposing arms of the Citadel looking overhead in the distance. There were a few families playing here of different walks of life but what drew her attention was the pair of asari girls heading towards them… racing if Liara had to hazard a guess.

“Cait!” They both called in unison, the older overtaking the much smaller asari with her long strides.

“Not fair Rebheka!” The smaller asari called out in desperation, determination on her face as she tried to  pick up the pace.

Cait simply laughed as the girls hugged her, the older asari, though a maiden, was a few inches taller than the scarred human while the younger barely came up to her waistline. Liara stood off to the side a bit awkwardly until the girls noticed her, the smaller speaking up first.

“Is this your girlfriend, Sheppy?” she asked innocently.

“W-what?!” Liara stammered, going completely violet across her cheeks as she flustered.

“Saekae, this is Dr. Liara T’soni. She’s a scientist and a… friend of mine. I helped  her out .” Cait said gently, patting the little asari on the top of her head as she handed the bag of food to the elder.

“Oh… well she should be!” Saekae said excitedly, holding her sister’s hand.

“Are you going to join us for lunch? Mom was hoping to catch up with you.” The older asari asked.

“I can’t this time, Rebheka. SPECTRE nonsense and all.  Apologize for me?” Shepard said with a hint of regret in her voice.

“I’ll let her know then. Thanks for the food and… be safe out there Cait. Was nice to meet you Dr. T’Soni.” Rebheka said politely before dragging her sister away, the little girl waving back at them and struggling to walk at the same time.

Liara wasn’t sure why she kept following the human but she felt safe alongside her, plus she was intrigued that this human might possess information on the Protheans she was missing. Their path  circl ed back to C-SEC headquarters, since this was where the Normandy was docked.

“Sorry about the detour. This way.” Shepard  apologized while leading her into a more private corner of the lobby. “Have you ever encountered anything in your research referencing ‘The Conduit’ or ‘Reapers’?”

“No… I can’t say for certainty. I’d have to reference my notes and journals.” Liara replied. “How do those terms related to the Protheans?”

“I don’t know, that’s what I am trying to figure out. Saren and the  geth are interested in finding those two things for some reason.” Shepard grumbled, vexation starting to show on her face.

“You believe it’s some kind of weapon?”

“The Council and the Alliance believe so but I don’t think it is. Whatever it is… that’s Saren’s end game but…”

A sharp, stabbing pain suddenly struck Shepard’s temple and she staggered a moment, making a pained noise. Liara immediately pulled her over so she could see, startled to catch a flicker of bioluminescent  color overlapping her normally green irises.

“Are you alright?! Should I call for help?” Liara asked in a panic.

“No! No…” Shepard gasped, the headache subsiding but the thrumming sound of the vision still ringing in her ear. “I’m fine. Just… a migraine.”

It took several long minutes for the episode to pass but Shepard recovered rather swiftly and was back on her feet. She twirled a strand of loose auburn hair around her finger in thought, Liara sitting there waiting to see what would be done next.

“I’m completely  in the dark here. I’m not a scientist and no one on my team is an  archaeologist , especially not a Prothean specialist. You seem like exactly what I need on this mission, Dr. T’Soni.” Shepard said, turning to face her.

“W-what?! Me?” Liara exclaimed in alarm.

“You said it yourself; you’re the only known Prothean expert in the galaxy. If I have any hope of apprehending Saren before he does any more damage, then I could use someone with your skills.”

Liara floundered over her response for a few lengthy moments, caught completely off-guard by the  commander ’s proposal. A chance to get the answers she sought for her Prothean research was too good to pass up but Liara could not deny that there was a part of herself, deep down, that wished to save her mother as well. Swallowing her nerves down, Liara met the human’s gaze, straightening her posture.

“I would be  honored , Cai…  Commander Shepard.” the asari said, remembering proper etiquette all of a sudden.

“You don’t have to call me  Commander , Liara. Cait’s just fine.” She replied with a sigh of relief, unsure if the asari would be so willing to put herself in danger. “I’ll take care of everything with the Council and such, you can even keep your… er, room I suppose, in the med bay.”

A flush of relief  colored the asari’s cheeks violet and the human just smiled, figuring that the asari would not be comfortable sharing such cramped quarters, as the Normandy, at its heart, was a  war frigate and private rooms were a luxury only she enjoyed thus far.

“Welcome aboard, Dr. T’soni.”


	5. Secrets Buried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been having a rough time working on much of anything but finally wrapped up this chapter so we can keep moving forward with Cait's story.

Liara was so absorbed in her studies, that she did not hear the door to her quarters open or the person who walked in.

“Dr. T’soni? I hope I’m not interrupting.” The  Commander announced herself.

“AH! Oh, Shepard! I didn’t hear you come in.” Liara stammered, spooked out of her thoughts by the woman’s voice, her cheeks turning a light shade of violet.

The asari was surprised to see the woman was in her suit, the  armored plates having lost their gloss from years of service. There were fresh scratches and minor dents from the fight with the  Geth attacking Zhu’s Hope; the red and white stripe on her right arm chipped from years of enduring combat. Liara recalled that the N7 designation was a rare point of pride for members of the Alliance. Cait noticed her lingering stare and shifted a bit, feeling as if the asari could see right through her.

“I just… wished to confirm that you have what you need. I have no idea what we’re gonna find here.” Cait said, the words sounding lame on her tongue because she knew that wasn’t why she came to see the asari personally.

“Yes, I have what I need. I’ve only been to Feros once but… the Exo-Geni company required a great deal of negotiations to even permit a visit. This is one of the most extensive Prothean ruins on record.” Liara replied a bit excitedly.

“Would think… no, nevermind.” She mutters, Liara barely catching the words herself. “I’ll be taking Tali, Kaiden and Garrus with me to deal with that  Geth ship at the Exo-Geni facility… see if we can’t figure out why Saren sent  Geth here.”

“Whatever you find, I’ll be prepared to  analyze it and give you, hopefully, answers as quickly as possible.”

Shepard awkwardly excused herself after that ‘debriefing’ though she couldn’t deny that seeing and speaking with Liara calmed her nerves. The fighting to wrest Zhu’s Hope from  Geth attack had been harrowing but her menagerie of a team had proven itself in the skirmish. Tali, Garrus and Kaiden were waiting for her by the MAKO, which had been deployed on the skyline bridges that crisscross Feros. Communications were still being blocked, so they were on their own from this point on.

It felt like hours since the fire team went out to investigate the  Geth stronghold. Though there were no further attacks on the colony, Zhu’s Hope was still in dire straits, as they were low on various necessities but Ashley kept herself busy by assisting them. The  gunnery-chief was a bit irked that the  Commander would rather take two aliens with her but wouldn’t dare say something out loud whenever her or Wrex were within earshot. The asari was out helping Wrex distribute varren meat he had wrangled up when the colony suddenly went eerily silent. All of the colonists had vacant stares and it Liara did not  realize she had been holding her breath until suddenly, the colonists  went berserk .

“Run!” Wrex shouted as he shoved one off. A gunshot ruptured the dirt dangerously close to Liara’s foot.

She stumbled backwards over her feet as chaos ensued. The colonists were going utterly berserk and attacking unprovoked. Everyone was retreating towards the Normandy, the priority protecting the ship. Finding her courage, Liara pushed herself back onto her feet and ran for the cargo bay. As soon as Ashley cleared the lip, the door was closed. Everyone held their breaths as they heard banging on the ship’s hull for several minutes before it went quiet.

“What the fuck just happened?” Ashley exclaimed, winded.

“I have…” the requisition officer started to say, only to be interrupted by Joker calling the rest of the team to the comms room.

Liara returned to her quarters, still shaken by the sudden attack. She sat in her room, staring blankly at her terminal for an indeterminate amount of time. She wasn’t aware of what was going on with Shepard’s team, though she wondered what had happened with the  Commander . Concern gnawed at her with unfamiliarity as minutes dragged like hours, everyone tensely holding their breaths as they waited.

“Commander on deck!” Joker announced over the comm systems to everyone’s relief. Everyone gathered on the  c ommand deck, the fire team dusty and a slightly haggard from the struggle it took to just pacify the colonists without taking lives.

“Wrex. Gunny. You’re with me. Rest of you, ensure the colonists stay contained. They’re… not in their right minds right now.” She said, her expression a bit hollow before she turned and left with the krogan and Ashley in tow.

Liara found herself helping Dr. Chakwas with tending to the unconscious colonists. Though the asari wasn’t sure what, exactly, was going on she focused on being as helpful as she could. She was so focused on her task, she didn’t even hear Ashley calling her name until the woman, roughly, grabbed her arm. She broke free of the woman’s grasp just as they left the medbay, rubbing the sore spot the woman’s grip had left on her.

“What was that?” She stammered, cheeks flushing in a combination of embarrassment and anger.

“Commander wants you.” Was all Ashley said, her tone rough and dismissive as she stormed off, forcing the asari to jog to catch up to her.

As soon as Liara exited the ship, a familiar voice reached her ears, drawing her attention to an asari standing there, flanked by Shepard and Wrex with guns drawn.

“Liara? What are you doing with her?!” The asari exclaimed, suddenly agitated.

“Shiala? What…” Liara stammered but she was cut off by Shepard interrupting.

“Alright, that answers that question but what did Saren want with Zhu’s Hope?” The  Commander demanded tensely.

“It wasn’t the colony but the Thorian… the creature you just killed. It possessed something called the  Cypher ; knowledge to understand the Protheans. It is needed to decipher the message they left.” Shiala explains.

“Great.” Shepard sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. “Now we’re way behind Saren.”

“Not necessarily.” Shiala said. “I was used to retrieve the  Cypher and give it to Saren. I was not gentle. Though he has the information so do I and I will willingly pass it on to you.”

“Then hand it over!” Ashley cut in, wanting to be back on the hunt already.

“It is not that simple. The  Cypher is information… the very essence of the Protheans. It is not something on a data  disk .” Shiala explained, only confusing the  gunnery-chief further.

“You mean we have to meld for me to understand the information.” Shepard said, everyone’s gaze falling on her. “That’s how you gave it to Saren. This  Cypher … it makes sense of the vision from the beacon?”

“Yes.”

Shepard  chewed on her tongue for a moment as she wrestled with the decision. This was a dangerous proposition but she didn’t feel she had much choice. Ashley was the first to see the decision in the  Commander ’s eyes before she even said anything.

“You can’t seriously be considering this, Cait.” Ashley protested, giving Shiala a disgusted look. “She’ll fry you!”

“You’re out of line, Gunney.” Shepard spat, staring her down.

Shiala kept her eyes locked with Shepard as she holstered her weapon, muscle in her throat twitching as she wrestled with the insane idea she was about attempt. Every step felt stiff but she dared not to show how scared she was. They were within arms length of each other before Shepard halted.

“You are afraid.” Shiala said quietly, so that only Shepard could hear her. “You’ve melded with asari before.” Her eyes slid to Liara and there was a stern  judgment to them.

“Let’s just get this  over with .”


	6. Nightmares and Echoes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still a bit slow on uploading but I've been tackling my projects in smaller chunks to make it easier on me to get stuff done. Though I can't promise consistency as of yet I will be, steadily, getting the first part of this saga done.

“Shepard?”

The voice sounded so far away, she hadn’t even noticed that Garrus was trying to get her attention. She blinked rapidly, coming back to the ship and finding herself face to face with the hot-blooded turian.

“Are you alright?” He asked, his voice soft.

“Y-ya. I’m sorry, what did you need Vakarian?” She asked, trying to brush it off even as her temple throbbed painfully.

“You aren’t looking so great.” He commented, his voice low as to not draw attention. “Can’t say I’ve experienced melding before but… you sure that asari didn’t do anything to you?”

“I’m not sure. Whatever this… Cypher is…” Her voice trailed off as she felt her scars start to burn.

Shepard jumped when she felt talons on her shoulder, surprised by the turian’s empathy. Though he did not press, it was clear in his expression that he was concerned and he was prepared to do whatever to ease her burden. The silent communication that passed between them made her feel assured for a moment and she gave him a light clap on the shoulder.

“Thanks.” Was all Shepard said before heading off.

She quietly paced the deck for several laps, noticing the hushed whispers and side-long glances from her crew. None dared to ask how she was doing but she couldn’t tolerate it for very long and just went down to her room. It was quiet, aside from the hum of her terminal, the screen still displaying the information on Noveria and some of Liara’s research. A sharp screeching sound made her flinch, the pain in her skull growing instantly worse to the point her vision swam and suddenly the world pitched and she fell.

Warm sands hit her face, the acrid smell of burning metal nearly drowning out her senses. The air was scorching and the left side of her face was in numbing agony. Screaming, she rolled onto her side and through her only good eye could see the world above her. Massive ships… at least she thought they were ships, hovered above the burning city. Long arms extended from their underbellies, their shapes unique and too organic looking to be normal ships.

A shriek drowned out the sounds of battle as the ground buckled and heaved, sending Shepard rolling with a pained cry of alarm. The world spinning, it took her a moment to realize she had landed on a pile of corpses as she struggled to pick herself up on shaky limbs. Her stomach lurched at the horror she was balanced upon; contorted faces of agony of human soldiers in Alliance uniforms, most eaten away by acid or other kinds of damage but some were intact enough for her to recognize.

“No…”

Mixed in with the bodies were the corpses of aliens she had not seen before but something in her mind told her she knew them. However, something distracted her and she was suddenly snapped back to reality. Every stressed nerve in her body screamed in panic and she slammed her ‘assailant’ against the wall. The pained cry belonged to a familiar voice and everything was suddenly in focus.

Kaiden coughed raggedly as the Commander’s arm came off his throat, expertly pressed against his jugular and if it had been a few more seconds, he would have passed out. It took several long, tense heartbeats for Shepard to take in her surroundings, realizing she had boarded the elevator with Kaiden in it.

“Fuck… Alenko are…” She choked on the words, panic gnawing at her gut as she realized, in her hallucination, had attacked one of her own.

She didn’t even give him the chance to answer. The moment the elevator stopped, she bolted out and immediately hit the button so it’d close and send the elevator elsewhere, putting Kaiden away from her. She had no idea where she was going and stumbled over her own feet across the CIC deck, several of the crew members pausing to look at her before she ended up in the cockpit. Joker turned to acknowledge her but seeing the glassy, fearful look in her eyes made him quickly turn back around as the Commander slumped in one of the terminal seats. She didn’t say anything, just stared blankly at the information on the display, grinding her teeth.

It was late when Shepard finally stirred, stretching her legs out as they had cramped. The clock said it was 0300… and she had no concept what time it was when she first got here.

“Hungry, Commander?” Kaiden asked as he entered the cockpit with a bowl of Alliance-grade gruel, as they were still several days away from reaching the Citadel.

“Kaiden…” Shepard said with great shame in her voice, moving as if to get up but he just held the bowl out to her.

“I’ve had worse.” He shrugged. “It’s not like any of us don’t know about… well, ever since we left Feros, you’ve been unwell. What’d that asari do to you?”

“She didn’t do anything.” She sighed, picking at the contents of the bowl with the spoon. “It’s complicated but whatever this Cypher is, whatever that beacon had on it… I don’t think someone like me was meant to have it burned into their brain.”

She took a couple of bites, then set the bowl on the console and got up. Kaiden tried to stop himself from flinching but the muscle tremor did not escape Shepard’s notice. Her gaze slid away, unable to look the lieutenant in the eye.

“I’m sorry Alenko.” She muttered.

“Cait…” He reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder but she shrugged him off and left the cockpit

The Commander thought to return to her quarters, given how late it was but the Normandy was quiet, most of the crew resting. Instead, she headed down to the mess hall and raided the pantry. She always kept a small box of loose leaf Thessian tea in the cupboards. Though it was crude, Alliance mess hall equipment at least permitted her to brew up a small pot. With a generous helping of milk and sugar, Shepard found herself clutching the warm cup almost protectively, just inhaling the calming scent before taking her first sip.

Liara’s foot falls were so light, she wasn’t even aware of the asari’s arrival in the mess until Liara cleared her throat and pointed at the pot of tea.

“May I… have some of that tea?” She asked sheepishly.

Shepard said nothing but gave a shrug of her shoulders and nod of her head, which Liara took as a ‘yes’ and fixed herself a cup of tea. When she had stepped out of the medbay to stretch her legs, as the deck tended to be empty around this time, the smell of Thessian tea had drawn her attention to the mess hall. It was a bit surprising to see it was the Commander who was drinking it. She sat down across from her and neither said anything for a long while.

“I’ve… done what I can with what he found on Feros but…” Liara said, finding the need to fill the silence and unable to help herself. “Without whatever the beacon gave you and this Cypher Shiala spoke of, I’m still no closer to figuring out what Saren is after.”

Liara was looking into her cup, a sense of defeat gnawing at her. She felt useless as she had contributed nothing to the mission since Shepard hard brought her aboard. The asari didn’t even realize she was tapping her fingers against the surface of the table until strong fingers, gingerly, touched her and made her stop. Those sharp blue eyes looked up into green, surprised to see concern.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it, Dr. T’soni. I… I’m not expecting miracles here. I’m not even sure we’re going to catch up to Saren and stop whatever he’s planning.” Shepard grumbled, looking vexxed. “If only I could make sense of these… visions.”

“What if… no, nevermind.” Liara said, yanking her hand away and standing up.

It didn’t take Shepard more than a few seconds to piece together what Liara did not say and got up and grabbed the asari’s wrist from across the table.

“Dr. T’soni, you’re suggesting… we meld.” Her expressions turned stern for a moment before she looked her in the eye. “It might be our only way of making progress on this mission.”

Without letting go of the asari, Shepard pulled the perplexed Liara along to her private quarters. Liara had never been in the human’s private quarters before. She hadn’t been expecting much but it was still lavish in comparison to her make-shift quarters and the accommodations for the crew. There weren’t any personal items of Shepard’s and she wondered if that was on purpose as she tried to glean something about this enigmatic woman.

“Have you ever melded with someone outside of, you know… the typical training?” Shepard asked.

“No. I… I haven’t.” Liara stammered, her cheeks turning violet. “You would be… my first.”

“Can’t promise I’ll be a great first.” She chuckles ruefully, the comment a spiteful observation of herself. “But I can’t think of anything else at this point. We’re dead in the water, so to speak.”

Liara licked her lips with nervous anticipation as she watched the human crack her knuckles, looking as if unsure. This had been a bad idea and shakes her head, glancing back over her shoulder at the door.

“I’m sorry. This was a ridiculous idea.” Liara said, flustered and embarrassed with herself.

“I won’t force you Liara but… you’re right, this could be our only chance. I can’t use the pieces of this puzzle but you can. I can’t fail… not again.”

There was a hitched plea in the human’s voice that tugged at the asari’s heartstrings. She paused then turned back to her, feeling a sudden well of confidence. Swallowing her nerves, she approaches Shepard again and, gingerly, slips her hand in the human’s.

“You’re not forcing me. If this is how I can help… can’t be that bad.” 


	7. The Lies We Tell Ourselves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter to bridge between Feros and Noveris missions... and cause I couldn't think of much to write lately.

“Do you think something’s going on between the Commander and Dr. T’Soni?” Tali asked Garrus as the two found themselves in the mess, attempting to pretend they enjoyed the dextro-amino rations the Normandy kept in supply just for them.

“What makes you think that?” The turian asked, his mandibles flexing in a visual representation of curiosity.

“You haven’t noticed? Ever since Feros, things have been… different between the two of them.” The quarian said thoughtfully, her expression completely hidden by her helmet. “Shepard’s much… softer towards Liara. And Liara’s… what’s that human term, head over heels?”

“I guess so…” The turian said dubiously.

“Apparently she…” Tali never got to finish that train of thought as Liara stepped off the elevator, her attention focused entirely on a datapad in her hand.

“Liara!” Garrus called, getting her attention before the asari tripped over the table. “Come join us.”

Surprised but glad for the distraction, Liara took a seat next to Garrus, setting the datapad down on the counter. Tali got glimpse of what appeared to be data notes Liara had been making.

“How’s the research?” The quarian asked, gesturing at the datapad.

“Slow. I wish I was of more help but… there’s something missing.” Liara sighed with lamentation. “I still cannot pinpoint what the Conduit’s purpose is or what these Reapers are.”

“Hey, you’re doing a great job.” Garrus encouraged, seeing the lines of frustration on Liara’s face. “I doubt anyone else could even make sense of this puzzle.”

“Thanks. I… just feel like I’m letting everyone down, especially Cait.” the asari sighed.

“Something going on between you two?” Tali blurted out, having noticed the asari call Shepard by her first name with familiarity.

“What do you mean?”

“Tali…” Garrus warned but it was too late.

“I’ve heard… talk that Shepard’s into asari and, well… you two seem to be…” The quarian let the question hang and Garrus covered his face with a taloned hand and groaned.

“W-what?! No, of course not!” Liara stammered, cheeks turning a deep indigo. “Did you say she… likes asari?”

Garrus immediately placed his taloned hand over Tali’s mask, not that it would actually bar her from talking but it interrupted her for a few precious seconds.

“Usual quarian gossip, Liara. I wouldn’t listen.” He hastily said, Tali’s huffing with annoyance. “We’ll let you get back to work. Let’s go Tali.”

Liara watched them leave, cheeks still burning with embarrassment. Now a plethora of new thoughts that were not about Protheans suddenly occupied her attention.

~*~*~

“You melded with her, didn’t you?” Dr. Chakwas said casually as she noted down Shepard’s vitals.

“What?! Of course not.” Shepard flustered, earning a stern look from the older woman. “It wasn’t for whatever you’re thinking.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded, though not entirely convinced as she had noticed Shepard’s heart-rate spike. She went over to her desk and sat down, beckoning for the scarred woman to join her. Tense, Shepard sat down across from her, watching her work in silence before she got fed up with the treatment.

“What the hell did you hear?” She demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You know there’s been gossip about you all on this ship, even before your little trip to see the Consort a few months ago.” Dr. Chakwas said, turning her attention solely on the Commander.

“I don’t see how that’s anyone’s business.” Was Shepard’s defensive response.

“True, but my concern is between the two of you. Something happened after Feros. I’m not the only one that’s noticed. People talk, especially Tali. Quarians love to gossip.” Dr. Chakwas said, watching the other woman’s body language.

“Fine…” Shepard said reluctantly. “We did meld but it was clinical. I couldn’t make sense of what that Cypher thing and Liara can make better use of the Prothean information stuck in my head than I can.”

“I see.”

“What? I can see there’s something else you wanna say, Chakwas so just out with it.” Shepard sighed.

“Cait. It’s pretty plain there is… something brewing between you two. I just want to be sure it’s not going to interfere with your ability to command. I worry.”

“I’m not in love with her.” Cait huffed, though the words felt hollow on her tongue and it made her heart twist painfully.

The conversation stopped when the door opened and in walked Liara, the asari’s cheeks still deep blue from her earlier conversation. She halted when she saw Shepard and they both stared at each other, stammering over words until the asari hastily retreated to her room in the back. Dr. Chakwas couldn’t help a chuckle and shook her head.

“Sure. Nothing going on between you two. Just don’t let this get out of your control, Cait.”

As she got to her feet, Shepard opened her mouth to say something in response but was so flabbergasted, she just clamped her jaw shut and left the med-bay, ignoring everyone else as she headed to her quarters. She sat down heavily at her desk and stared at the blank terminal, brow furrowed in deep thought.

“I… no… no, i’m not Liara’s type.” Shepard sighed, running her fingers through her hair. “Everyone’s just bored. They’ll shut up about it once we get to Noveria.”

Something in the back of Shepard’s mind told her that she could lie all she wanted to but Dr. Chakwas was right; there was something brewing between the her and the asari.


	8. Who Bears the Sins?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting to get back into the swing of it... slowly but surely.

"Shepard, this is my mother!" Liara argued, barely able to contain the frustration in her voice as she jogged to keep up with the armored woman's long strides.

"For the last time Dr. T'soni, this isn't some field trip." Shepard growled with equal vexation, not slowing her pace as they were heading for the truck waiting to take them to Peak 15. "Get back…"

Shepard found herself being thrown to the ground and a biotic field around both her and her team as biotic energy rippled from gunfire impact. Alenko shouted for everyone to get to cover as geth scurried along the ceiling of the garage, some emerging from unassuming boxes scattered about the area and opening fire. Wrex shouted and tossed his pistol to Liara. The asari caught it with both hands and fumbled with it as she ducked behind the truck, Shepard nearly shoulder to shoulder with her.

"Thanks." The woman said as she slung her rifle off her back but the geth moved so quickly, it was hard to line up a shot in time. "Fuck!"

Liara caught a rapid movement to her left and immediately threw a singularity. The truck slid a few inches, nearly knocking Shepard down as she had not been expecting it. The agile geth snipers were unable to clear the magnetic pull and were yanked into the well, crashing into each other as it spun them.

"Hurry!" Liara shouted as she felt her feet slide and heard the truck give another groan of protest as lighter items were also being pulled by the singularity's tightly controlled field.

Gunfire erupted and destroyed the geth caught in the biotic trap, permitting Liara to banish the singularity, short of breath as everything had happened in a matter of seconds. She turned and found Shepard staring at her and the dark, searing look in those green eyes made her heart stop for a few moments. The moment shattered when the fire team came up to join them, Wrex clapping Liara on the back so hard the krogan sent the asari stumbling right into Shepard's chest.

"Some damn fine biotics!" He barked with pride.

Liara hastily pushed herself away from Shepard, that searing dark look in her gaze still there but unnoticed by the rest of the team.

"I'm not helpless, Commander." She said as she handed Wrex his pistol back. "I protect myself during my expeditions. I learned more than politics and archaeology."

"And she's a damn good biotic." Ashley said in surprising support. "Never seen a biotic do that."

Shepard could feel Liara glaring at her and the murmurings of her team didn't help so she finally hailed the Normandy on the comm channel.

"Tell Officer Postle to get a Sentinel load-out sent down to the garage asap. Seems our Prothean expert wants to do field work again."

It takes about fifteen minutes for requisitions to be delivered, giving them time to inspect the truck for damages and Tali to attempt recovering anything useful from the geth. Liara slipped on the gear, finding it suited her well and the load out included an SMG for her. Shepard looked her over, trying her hardest to stop herself from blushing as her gaze lingered on Liara in armor. The asari noticed that intense, lustful gaze from the corner of her eye and swallowed nervously, feeling very naked all of a sudden.

"Truck's good to go!" Garrus shouted, everyone starting to board.

"I'm driving." Ashely said, already in the seat when Shepard approached the side. "No offense, Commander, but I don't want us all to go careening off a cliff in the snow, outpacing a blizzard."

"My driving's not THAT bad, Gunny…"

* * *

Peak 15 was uncomfortably quiet and, according to Tali snooping around the security mainframe, the facility was in lock-down due to an outbreak violation. They got into the peripheral of the facility only to find snow had pile up through the shattered windows before the shutters had closed. Emergency orange lights flashed but there was no sound aside from their own armored footfalls.

"What the hell is Benezia doing here?" Alenko muttered though it wasn't meant for himself.

"Saren is funding whatever they're researching here." Shepard retorted nervously before she glanced over at Tali once more. "You sure the lock-down isn't because of some bio-weapon?"

"No. This lab isn't equipped for that kind of work." Tali assured her as she finished hacking the door so they could proceed to the tram station.

Shepard nearly jumped out of her suit when she heard a heavy sound in the vent above her head. Luckily, she wasn't the only one who had heard it. Guns were drawn and everyone was looking up. Subconsciously, Shepard took a few steps towards Liara as if to shield the asari from any impending threat. The vents rattled and shook, dropping snow and dust as something was moving around.

"The fuck was that?" Ashley growled, her voice quaking as she tried to follow the source of the sounds.

Shepard heard it too late, the frantic scurrying right below her. A creature burst out from the ventilation path in the floor and slammed into her, knocking her pistol from her hand and the air from her lungs as it carried her back several feet before whipping tentacles threw her into one of the shutters. She managed to look up as her vision swam and sincerely wished she hadn't. The creature was hunched over, held aloft by spindly legs. The sound it made as it pounced her made her ears ring and panic grip her gut.

There wasn't cold metal and snow under her anymore, but hot sands. Familiar hot sands as the very ground shook and the screaming call of a Thresher Maw drowned out all else…

"Cait!" Liara shouted, trying to snap the woman out of it, her heart dropping as those green eyes were glazed over with that look that said she was light-years away.

It took a few moments for Shepard to shake off her episode but she found herself staring up at beautiful, deep azure eyes that belonged to a familiar but lovely asari. A few moments later and her thoughts were back in order and she realized it was Liara as the asari hauled her to her feet. Her armor was covered in bits of gore and sickly green blood, the creature that attacked her slumped over with its head sheared completely off.

"The fuck…" She muttered, having no recollection beyond the creature pouncing her.

"Thing nearly had you." Alenko piped in, looking both impressed, annoyed, and worried all at the same instant. "Liara's pretty precise with her biotics. Took the head clear off."

"Cai… Shepard, are you hurt?" Liara insistently asks, gaze roaming over Shepard's armor in a manner that says it wasn't just a cursory investigation of concern.

"I'm… I'm fine. Just knocked my head a bit." Shepard brushed it off, feeling her cheeks burning. "What the hell is this thing?"

"No idea. Nothing comes up on bio-scans. Maybe some kind of feral life-form Saren found?" Tali piped in, the Commander glad that the quarian provided distraction.

"There's probably more of these things in there, Commander." Ashley pointed out, gesturing at three other corpses.

"Ya… but we proceed as before. The Matriarch is our primary objective still."

* * *

The room was quiet as they entered, Benezia standing alone at a console before a tank with what looked to be a massive version of the creatures they had fought through. Liara was silent, all the words she wanted to say jumbled and caught in her throat.

"Matriarch Benezia. Just come along quietly." Shepard said, her pistol still trained on the asari as he ignored them.

"You have no idea what's coming. Saren is trying to save us!" She says in exaltation, turning to face them as the creature in the tank chitters.

"Mother, please." Liara begged, finally choking out a couple of words.

"Think holding my daughter hostage would sway me from my purpose here, Cait Shepard?" Benezia sneered, the use of her full name catching the human commander off-guard.

"I'm here of my own free will. This is not like you!" Liara protested, taking a step towards her mother with Shepard keeping pace to keep herself between the two… in case things went side ways.

"And what do you know? Always with your head in the sands… focused on the past and not the future." Benezia sneered further, a dark glint in her eyes that gave Liara pause.

"Get down!" Ashley shouted as she had been on point, asari commandos and geth surging into the room from seemingly nowhere.

Shepard rushed forward, hoping to subdue Benezia but the matriarch had hundreds of years of experience on the Commander and easily thwarted her by throwing the woman several feet back with a solid biotic bow to the chest. Bright spots exploded in Shepard's vision as she struggled to breathe, the sounds of gunfire sounding miles away despite the echo in these close quarters.

"Stay away from her Liara!" Benezia growled as her arms flared with biotic energy.

"No!" Liara protested, her armor flaring in response.

Biotic energy crackled in the air violent as matriarch and maiden clashed. Liara chanced a look to her right, where the rest of the fire-team was clashing with Benezia's personal guard and the geth. They were pinned, with commandos putting pressure on them as more of those sniper geth scurried and darted about the room. Liara deflected her mother's attack, sending boxes of cargo careening heavily into a pair of commandos trying to flank the platform, then used a singularity to pull the jumping geth in place and disrupt the entrenched positions of the commandos and geth assisting them.

So distracted by maintaining the singularity, Liara did not see her mother's next feint but Shepard did. The woman had rolled and shoved herself to her feet, tackling Benezia to the ground. She still intended to subdue the matriarch, just for Liara's sake but the asari fought like she was possessed and was far more skilled and stronger than the Commander. Her brief advantage was quickly lost as the matriarch skillfully targeted all the weak points of her suit. Shepard was certain, as she hit the floor again and felt a throbbing ache in her right side, that several ribs were fractured or broken.

"You cannot stop what's already in motion!" Benezia snarled, drawing on her biotic strength to deliver the final blow.

A shot rang out above Shepard's head, louder than the fire-fight that was going on and she felt her heart drop into her stomach as she looked up. Liara's hand shook at the gravity of what she had done. The pistol clatter on the ground as she dropped it, Liara's voice choking on sobs as Benezia stumbled back and slumped to the floor. What Shepard had been hoping to avoid… happened in the worst possible way.

Despite the screaming agony in her body, Shepard pushed herself up and half crawled, half-scrambled towards Benezia, hand to going to the emergency field kit she kept on her. Just as she was about to start trying to stem the wound in Benezia's side, she grabbed the Commander's wrist to stop her.

"You mustn't. I'm… I'm too far gone." She mutters, shaking with effort as life continues to bleed from her.

"We can get you back to.."

"No! You must stop Saren. His ship… Harbinger… that is the real threat. I… I thought I could dissuade Saren from his path." She coughs, navy blood on her lips now. "He steered me from my own. His… no, Harbinger's will became my own."

"His ship? What…" Shepard interrupted, not understanding the words.

"The Mu Relay… I extracted the coordinates. He already has them. You… augh, don't have much time." Benezia coughed, the shaking growing worse and her skin paler. "Oh my Little Wing…"

Liara had hurried over, tears streaming from her eyes as she held her mother's hand. Benezia smiled at her daughter, then looked between her and Shepard before settling back on her daughter's face.

"She is a good fit for you." Benezia smiled. "I am… so sorry."

"Mother…" Liara said softly, pressing her forehead to Benezia's.

"There's… there is no light. They said there would be a light…" The matriarch sighed as the last of her strength bled from her, Liara's strangled sob tearing Shepard's heart in half.

There was a data disk in Benezia's other hand and Shepard took it, slipping it into a container on her belt to be looked at later. The rest of the fire team had dealt with the remains of the geth and commandos. No one said anything as the asari grieved, Shepard's attention drawn to the tank.

The creature stared back, seeing that the human nor its companions understood. It would make it understand then, as a tentacled claw pressed against the glass that kept it trapped, reaching out for any mind that had not expired yet. One of the commandos nearby still clung to life and that would have to do. The corpses staggered up, shuddering and twitching as the lifeform was difficult to control and it could feel the pain it was in, life slowly bleeding free.

_We are the last of a voice long silenced._

The commando spoke in a halty voice thought it was clear to Shepard it was not the dying asari speaking as she turned her attention back to the tank.

"What are you?" She asked, wanting the answer to that piece of the puzzle.

_We are rachni._

Wrex protested explosively and would have gone to activate the acid bath control himself if Shepard hadn't stood in his way. Once the krogan had stepped back, she turned back to the rachni.

"How? Your kind were exterminated during the Rachni Wars."

_Songs of sour tones and yellow notes. We drifted in darkness for so long but then they found us. Brought us here. They take them from me before they learn to sing. Without a song, they scream in the darkness… lost and alone._

"What the hell is it talking about?" Ashley said, obviously creeped out by the talking asari.

"I think…" Tali said, looking over the data she had been collecting from Peak 15's banks. "I think it means the things… rachni we encountered on the way here are berserk. They must have to be raised around her to influence their behavior."

"Who the hell cares? My kind fought the Rachni and wiped them from the galaxy!" Wrex growled dismissively. "This.. THING shouldn't exist!"

_Will you cast us back to the darkness? Will our song end here?_

Shepard could see the Rachni Queen's eyes all staring at her, waiting for answer. The last of a species, one thought long dead. Training didn't prepare you for this and Shepard wasn't sure what she should do. She had heard stories of the Rachni Wars and the Krogan Rebellions that followed shortly after. The scale of these conflicts was difficult for her to imagine and even harder for her to fathom which would be the correct choice.

"You know what's right." Liara said softly, eyes still wet and swollen with grief as she reached up and brushed the tips of her fingers against Shepard's hand from where she was still knelt by her mother's corpse.

Gritting her teeth, Shepard's fingers glide over the console; the asari's corpse dropping to the ground as the Rachni reliniquishes her control as the acid tanks are disabeled and the container lifts to a release passage just above. The creature swivels its head around and gives Shepard a questioning look.

"Don't make me regret this."

"I hope you know what you're doing Shepard." Wrex growled as he watched the Rachni Queen escape.

Shepard ignored him and, with great effort, knelt to pick up Benezia's body. Liara gave her a surprised look but Shepard barely made it too step before a sharp pain in her ribs made her stagger to one knee, nearly dropping her burden. Kaiden rushed over and scooped Benezia up in his arms instead.

"I got this Commander." He said, Liara keeping pace with him as Shepard tailed back further and further as they re-entered the main labs. It wasn't until they had reached the trams that Garrus noticed they were a head short.

"Where's the Commander?" He said, mandibles flexing with concern.

Something came to Liara's mind at that instant and she swore, spinning on her heel and sprinting off without any explanation. She knew Shepard was heading to the hotlabs… that she was embarking on a suicide mission. The asari prayed she would get there in time. The elevator leading down to the labs felt like it was taking an eternity but once she was aboard and road it down, she arrived in the nick of time.

Just as Shepard triggered the purge sequence, rachni burst from the floors and ceiling, screeching in fury as the alarms blared. No matter how many Shepard put down with her shotgun, she couldn't get through the seething mass of bodies. When one slumped over, two took its place. Liara screamed in defiance and her biotics flared, the singularity dragging the rachni into one corner or at least pinning them in place. Shepard was on the ground, devoid of strength. With great effort, Liara used her biotics to pull Shepard to her, losing control of both powers. The Commander's body slammed into her as she tried to keep her from crashing into the wall.

The whole elevator shook but they were safely out of the blast radius and the screams of the rachni were silenced. Shepard stirred, amazed to find herself alive and lying across Liara's lap, of all places. Liara laughed as she saw the bewildered look on the human's face, the effort making her chest ache.

"You're not dying that easily Cait." She comments.

There's more the asari wants to say but she doesn't as the elevator stops and they are greeted by Garrus and Ashley once the doors open. She's glad to have the human's weight off her but the grief and horror of the day return, the wounds and the guilt still fresh on her mind and her heart.


	9. Broken Hearts to Mend

Cait had always liked the gun range but the SPECTRE facilities on the Citadel were a real treat. Beyond state of the art and access to experimental equipment before it was months to years ready for actual field work and requisition sales. When they arrived four hours ago, the weight of carrying Benezia’s corpse had burdened them all. Liara was beside herself with grief the entire trip and Shepard did not begrudge that the asari had done nothing but weep and stay in her room for the duration. Her brow etches with frustration as she aims down the sights, noticing she was way off the mark.

The Commander’s concentration is just not there, as there is a constant, low buzz in her ears. It makes her grind her teeth and hold her breath without realizing it. She tries to calm herself, regain some semblance of control the moment before she squeezes off another shot but a check down the range reveals she is still way off the center of the target. All of her shots have widely hit in the outer ring of the target.

She picks herself up and carries the rifle back to the rack, sighing with frustration as she puts it away to be serviced by one of the C-SEC staff later. Feeling uneasy still, she leaves the SPECTRE facilities and head to an Alliance dive bar on the west arm of the Citadel, far from the politics and ho-drum of the Citadel elite.

“Been awhile since I’ve seen your ugly face.” The hefty bartender greeted, the place virtually empty this time of day.

“Surprised this dump’s still open.” Shepard greeted with matching sarcasm, hugging the man with familiarity. “You look well, Berkley.”

“And you look exhausted. Here…” He pours her a drink, a simple glass of a irish whisky he keeps in a stash just for her. “It ain’t home but…”

“Berkley, we both know I didn’t grow up on Earth.” She retorts but takes the drink anyway. “Have you been in touch with her lately?”

“I saw her a few months ago, briefly.” He retorted, nodding his head as he understood who she was asking about. “I’m sorry, Cait. She didn’t leave anything this time… seemed obsessed when she came through.”

“When is she not?” Cait sighed, finishing her glass and letting him refill it. “She’s not going to stop… I’m not sure she knows how to anymore.”

She drank in silence for a few minutes, then her and Berkley started chatting. The man wanted to hear all about her return to Alliance service and her elevation to SPECTRE status. The sound of the door opening interrupted them both and Berkley cautiously tensed as Shepard just looked over her shoulder. The woman was raven haired and fair skinned, dressed in the uniform of an attendant for The Consort.

“How did she even know I was here?” Shepard questions but it goes ignored.

“The Consort would like for you to visit her, if you have time now.” The woman replied in a soft, sweet voice.

“Always the blue ones with you, Cait.” Berkley laughed, collecting the glass. “Best not to keep a lady waiting.”

Scowling at him, Shepard got up and followed her escort back to the Presidium. There was even a high-end skycar waiting to take them to Sha’ira’s offices. A few patrons eyed her with jealousy as the Commander was taken right to the Consort’s office though Sha’ira was not alone. Upon arriving, Shepard was surprised to see both Councilors Tevos and Valern. She salutes them both, despite there being no such protocol for SPECTREs.

“Councilors. I’ll just wait outside Sha’ira.” Shepard started to step back but the asari’s voice stopped her.

“They are here to meet you, Cait. I am simply a facilitator and mediator.” Sha’ira smiled gently from her desk.

“I see. Well, um… what can I do for you, Councilors?” Shepard asked, trying not to blush as she realizes she likely smells of alcohol right now.

“I apologize for interrupting your leave.” Tevos started, glancing at her fellow councilor for a moment. “But an urgent matter has come up.”

“A coded but heavily damaged message arrived from a recon STG team we sent to the planet Virmire. It is a suspected location of Saren’s stronghold.” Valern interjected, eager to get straight to the point.

“Then why not send the Citadel fleet to orbital bomb it?” Shepard asked, perplexed by this debriefing.

“We… cannot confirm the validity of the intel.” Valern said stiffly. “It came to us over a secure channel, reserved only for STG forces in deep cover but all that was extractable from the message was their last known coordinates.”

“So… and correct me if I am wrong, you want me and my team to head to Virmir and confirm that this message came from your STG team?” Shepard said incredulously. “Say we find them and it turns out it’s Saren’s base… what do you expect me to do then?”

“Apprehend Saren and disable the facility of course.” Valern retorted, as if it had been obviously.

A muscle in Shepard’s temple twitched and her teeth clenched, very much wanting to reach out and strangle the salarian. What she was asking, what the Council was asking, was absolute suicide. Too many unknowns for just ‘a hunch’ that came over a secure line. Sha’ira saw that the human was about to lose her temper and had silently move around them until she stepped into view, startling Tevos. A hand on the small of Shepard’s back distracted her seething thoughts, alarmed to find Sha’ira standing next to her. A look passed between the two asari and Tevos cleared her throat as the silence hung heavily.

“That’s all we have, Commander. As per your station, we will supply you with anything you feel you require for this mission but this is a covert operations into Traverse space.” She said with a finality that stopped the conversation entirely.

Seeing as the debrief was over and finally realizing that the human was turning a shade redder across her cheeks and she looked like an enraged varren, the dalatross had the grace to mumble a thanks and quickly leave. Tevos faltered back a few steps before addressing the commander more informally.

“And… Shepard? Thank you, for bringing Matriarch Benezia back. Is… Liara alright?” The asari councilor asked gently.

“I’m… not sure. I haven’t seen her much since we left Noveria.” Shepard replied flatly, hiding the pain the words caused in her chest.

Tevos said nothing further and left, leaving Shepard alone with Sha’ira. Shepard let out a held breath, pinching the bridge of her nose as her frustration drained from her. The Consort had been watching the Commander closely and smiled as she patted her arm.

“It’s good Tevos decided to leave Councilor Sparatus out. You were about to commit high treason in strangling in the Salarian dalatross.” Sha’ira said with a knowing smile.

The statement caught Shepard off-guard but did not surprise her. Sha’ira’s perception was beyond that of any sentient being and though she was never sure how the asari did it, Shepard would quietly.

“Politics is utter shite.” Shepard spat testily, lips curling in a scowl. “They want to send my team on a suicide run!”

“Perhaps they trust your skill.” Sha’ira suggested.

“You know they don’t. Humanity will always be beneath the Council.” Shepard huff, her temper calming as Sha’ira placed her hand against her check.

They were quiet for awhile, Sha’ira holding Shepard’s gaze. There was one thing she appreciated about Cait and that was, despite all her hardships and her line of work, there was a line of valor and honesty the human would never broach and it was most vulnerable in her eyes. The slight change in color, every twitch of her pupils… it spoke volumes of her inner thoughts and emotions.

“What happened on Noveria to cause you both so much pain, Cait?” Sha’ira asked, striking at the very heart of Shepard’s muddled emotions.

“I… Liara shot her own mother, Sha’ira… to protect me.” She sighed, her proud shoulders slumping forward a bit. “I was trying to just subdue her but… things just got out of control.”

“It wasn’t your fault.” Sha’ira reminded her gently, recognizing that Shepard was throwing herself on her self-righteous sword.

When she took the human’s hand in her own, Shepard went very still, staring at how their hands were threaded. It was a non-verbal request from Sha’ira, a question if Shepard needed… no, wanted to meld. Shepard turned her gaze away and slid her hand out of Sha’ira’s, the motion telling the asari a great deal.

“You’ve bonded with her.” Sha’ira said with a hint of awe.

“What? No, it’s not… like that at all.” Shepard protested, doubting her own words.

“Is it though? I see it in your eyes, I heard it earlier… you should be with Liara, Cait. She needs you and you need her.”

“I’m not in love with her!” The human snapped loudly, more to convince herself of the feelings that have been burdening her for months.

“I never said that but I can see that there is a piece of you missing.” Sha’ira said with a warm smile, patting her shoulder. “Go to her, Cait. It’s the only way you’ll be sure.”

Shepard looked at Sha’ira, confused and a bit scared, if she had to be honest. The asari’s words, however, were confident enough and she got up and returned to the Normandy. No one was on board but she found the asari in her quarters, sitting at her terminal with feed after feed of data open but her gaze was not focused.

“Hey.” Shepard said lamely, setting a cup of tea next to her.

“Oh! Cait! I… didn’t hear you come in.” Liara said in surprise.

“I made you some tea. Thought…” The words died on the human’s lips, still not sure how to broach the subject. “Liara…”

“It’s ok. I don’t blame you for what happened, Cait.” Liara cut her off. “My mother would have killed you if I hadn’t… shot her.” The asari’s voice drops as she says that, tears welling up in her eyes again.

“You shouldn’t have had to.” Shepard said between clenched teeth. “I…”

“Cait, stop.” Liara said, turning and placing her hand on the human’s, her words faltering. “Really, it’s not your fault.”

Liara stands, seeing the pain in the human’s eyes. Has hardened as the woman was, her emerald irises always betrayed the truth in moments like these. The asari had always noted a deep pain in them, from the moment they met. Ever since they melded, Liara had felt the woman’s moods more keenly, what she doesn’t show the rest of the ship. Nervously, she held her hand. Shepard did not reject her touch but, instead, threaded her fingers with the asari’s.

“Liara…” Her tone was different, gentler… an underlying passion that warmed the asari’s skin. “There’s something else.”

Shepard swallowed the knot in her throat, not sure how to voice this. Her heart was hammering against her chest and she felt cold and hot at the same time. Her gaze flickered up to meet Liara’s, then quickly slid away. Liara could see she wanted to say something but was struggling with it and, with her heart in her throat and praying to Athame she wasn’t wrong, Liara cupped her free hand against Shepard’s cheek and leaned forward, pressing a light, chaste kiss to the woman’s lips.

The action caught Shepard off guard but as soon as Liara started to pull away, embarrassingly regretting her decision almost immediately, the commander nearly leapt forward to capture her lips in a more insistent kiss. A small noise escaped the asari, her head spinning as the kiss seemed to last for an eternity. Shepard pulled away, breathless but holding the asari’s gaze more steadily.

“I love you, Liara.”


	10. The Calm Before Hell

“Tali?” Shepard said over her shoulder as the quarian worked on the door.

“Almost.. Got it!” She exclaimed as the lock interface turned green and the bulwark below them opened with the hiss of hydraulics and geth machinery. Their landing on Virmire had been smooth but their way to the STG camp was riddle with geth bulwarks slowing their progress by at least a few hours. It was getting close to mid-afternoon when they finally drove the MAKO through the last bulwark and came upon the camp stashed away in what appeared to be a shallow lagoon. The surviving Salarians were surprised to see a combination of humans and other aliens but when it was clear who was in charge, Shepard was led to the tent Captain Kirrahe was using.

“You’re all they sent?” He said in exasperation. “Every AA gun on the planet is keyed to your ship’s signal now!”

“The Council wanted me to investigate because your distress message was so damaged, there was no usable information.” Shepard scowled, clearly not pleased with the situation either. “Me and my team is all you’ve got.”

“I needed an entire fleet! Saren’s operations are beyond what we initially suspected.”

“Just give me a run down of what you do know and let’s try to figure something out.”

For the rest of the day, Kirrahe debrief Shepard about the situation and their findings. It seems Saren himself was here, with only platoons of geth, asari commandos and tank-bred krogan between them and him. Her head-ached at the scope of what they would need to accomplish and they both decided they would come up with a battle plan come morning. Right now, it had been a long day and Shepard needed some rest. Yet, she did not feel like sleeping, anxiety chewing at her heels like a slavering varren. The sound of gunshots coming from one of the deeper pools in the area drew her attention away from the camp.

Wrex was pacing back and forth, muttering to himself as he took shots at the fish flitting beneath the surface with his shotgun.

“The fuck are you doing, Wrex?” She asked, the krogan’s behavior making her uneasy.

“Saren’s found a cure for my people Shepard… and the filthy salarians want to destroy it.” He growled just before squeezing off another shot, water and sand erupting from the force.

“There is no cure here, Wrex. Saren’s breeding slaves, at best.” A chill races down Shepard’s spine as the conversation touches upon a nerve. “Wrex… you’re not seriously considering…”

“These are my people!” He roared at her, turning with the gun still in his hand, Shepard noting the krogan still had his finger on the trigger. “If there is a chance to undo the genophage…”

“You’re out of your damn mind!” Shepard snapped at him, their argument being observed by both Liara and Ashley from different sides of the pond. “You told me yourself Saren is bad business. There isn’t salvation here.”

“It’s a hope for my people!” Wrex roared.

Every instinct in Shepard screamed danger the second the krogan’s massive hump shifted, indicating he was moving his weight to twist himself around. She ran at him and slammed full-bodied into the krogan. Her intention wasn’t to knock him over but to keep the muzzle of his shotgun from finding a target, namely herself. Wres thrashed, the guard on his shoulder catching Shepard across the temple and knocking her to the sands, blood trickling from the split above her right eye. Dazed, Shepard couldn’t stop the old battlemaster from reaching down and grabbing her by the front plate of her armor and lifting her as if she were an empty sack.

“Wrex… don’t…” She said as she kicked helplessly at the air, the heel of her boots uselessly scraping against the krogan’s armor.

Roaring in anger and frustration, Wrex heaves Shepard back, right into the pool with a loud and heavy splash. He throws his shotgun to the ground and storms to the water. Liara sees Ashley moving forward from the shadows, her gun raised and ready to gun down the krogan but Liara immediately locks her in a biotic field. The asari hopes she is doing the right thing.

“Shepard.” Wrex says, sounding calmer as he offers his hand out and hauls Shepard back on her feet.

“You’re… not going to kill me?” Shepard said with a great deal of surprise in her voice.

“No. You’re right.” He grumbled, patting her on the shoulder. “This is not an answer for my people and even if it was… I shouldn’t take it from Saren.”

“For fuck’s sake Wrex, I’m pretty sure I shat my suit!” She yelled at him as relief washed through her, punching the krogan in the arm and only succeeding in bruising her wrist and knuckles.

“Ha! If I was ever going to kill you, Cait, we’d have a proper fight on Tuchunka. A true clashing of warriors.” He chortles as he walks off, only pausing to collect his gun as he heads back to camp.

Liara drops the biotic field and Ashley glares at her for a moment but sees the wisdom in the interference and simply nods to the asari before turning away and leaving. Liara let out a breath she hadn’t been away she had been holding and thought to go after Shepard but saw the human was already leaving, though not back in the direction of camp. The asari tailed her until Shepard’s path stopped on a bluff overlooking the ocean about half a mile away from the STG camp.

“You’re not very good at following people.” Shepard called, aware Liara had been dogging her steps the entire way.

“I… you scared me Cait. I thought Wrex was going to kill you.” Liara said, 

“Then why did you stop Ashley?”

The caught Liara off guard and she worried at her lip, the woman’s back to her as if she refused to acknowledge her. Frustrated that the human was deflecting her concern, she stormed forward and grabbed Shepard’s arm. Shepard sighed and swallowed nervously.

“I’m sorry Liara. I… thank you, for sparing Wrex. This whole mission is just a nightmare for all of us.”

“What did Captain Kirrahe tell you?” Liara asked, since she had yet to debrief the rest of the team.

“It’s not looking good. I’ll debrief everyone in the morning. After… I’ve given it some more thought.” Shepard said.

Liara slid her hand down to Shepard’s and threaded their fingers together, standing beside the Commander, her Commander, as they stared out at the expanse of the black sky. The human’s gaze seemed distant and pain and fear was clearly naked in those emerald irises, even in the faint moonlight. Neither was sure how long they stood there in silence, holding hands but Shepard pulled away and headed back without so much a word, Liara following a few steps behind her.

The next morning was no easier on any of them. Kirrahe had a plan, albeit an incredibly suicidal one but they had to strike at Saren while they had the opportunity. If they allowed him to continue to amass power at this base, including the breeding of krogan, he’d be unstoppable. The salarian’s plan was to strike with two teams. Shepard would lead a small force to slip into Saren’s base while Kirrahe, his men, and the rest of Shepard’s squad would focus on a frontal assault of the base to keep Saren’s attention. The crux was disabling the AA defenses as quickly as possible so the Normandy could deliver a make-shift nuclear payload to the center of the base.

“How long before the payload’s ready?” Shepard asked him, seeing there wasn’t really an alternative options to this plan.

“Give my men an hour to get it built and on the Normandy.” Kirrahe replied curtly.

“Alright. We’ll let’s get to it then.”

Shepard gathered her team while the salarians went to work making the device. They had gotten the Normandy into the camp at day break but attempting to move the ship any more was a great risk with those AA guns trained on its signal.

“Since we have no other option, we’ll be assaulting Saren’s base. Kaiden, you’ll be on the Normandy to assure the device is properly armed and delivered once the AA guns have been disabeled.”

“Roger that.”

“Garrus and Tali will be with me on infiltration. Kirrahe’s men found a spot in the outer defenses we can slip through to get to the base.” Shepard said, the two aliens nodding in silent affirmation. “The rest of you will be joining Kirrahe on the frontal assault.”

She takes a deep breath, purposely keeping her gaze away from Liara though she so desperately wants to drink in the sight of the asari. “This is not a full on attack. Your goal is to just keep attention on yourselves until we get those AA guns down.”

“Commander…” Ashley started to say but stopped herself. “Nevermind, this is the best chance we have at getting Saren.”

“Doubt we’ll get another chance.” Shepard retorted solemnly. “You all have your assignments. Best get yourselves ready.

The last forty minutes or so were spent in tense preparation. The entire camp was on edge and Liara noticed Shepard seemed to be purposely avoiding her. Though their budding relationship was still new and fragile, this trial by fire was already casting doubt on how the human actually felt about her. They gathered for one final time, preparations on the Normandy finished. Kirrahe and his men looked ready, as did Shepard and her team though Shepard herself was quite distant.

“Everyone understands their roles and our objectives?” Kirrahe asked, getting nods and mutterings of affirmation, moral clearly shaken.

“We better get moving. My team and I need to get into position.” Shepard said, hiding her nerves and fear behind her title as Commander and SPECTRE.

As they started to part ways, Liara looked over her shoulder. It was sinking in that this could, possibly, be the last time she would see this woman again. They could all die here by day’s end or something… terrible may happen to one of them. The thoughts had been plaguing her since before they arrived on Virmire… ever since she made the bold decision to kiss the Commander and intertwine their fates. Without even thinking, she turned around and jogged the distance to catch up with Shepard and her strike team.

“Cait!”

Hearing her name called out made Shepard stop and turn around in time to see Liara running up to her. The asari was a gorgeous sight and it made her heart and gut twist painfully at the thought of losing her… of causing her death with this mission. She opened her mouth to ask what she needed but the asari hooked her fingers in the collar of her suit and pulled her down enough so their lips could crash together. In full view of the squad. Shepard was absolutely stunned, torn between the warmth of the asari’s lips that were setting her entire being aflame and the dozen or so pair of eyes staring at them. Liara backed away an inch but did not let the Commander free just yet.

“I will come find you if you’re not on the ship.” she whispered before stealing one more kiss from her human before leaving to join her squad.

It took a full minute for Shepard to regain enough of her senses to compose herself, face a bright pink color. Garrus laughed and patted her on the back as she rejoined them. Tali was beside herself with glee but the gravity of their task quickly shoved that all aside. There’d be time later, perhaps, for such gossip.

Perhaps there would be time to not regret dragging Liara into this with her selfish needs.


	11. When You're Not Good Enough

“I could set the alarms off, Commander.” Tali announced, having easily gotten into the base’s defense network. “It would drive more of the geth and krogan towards Kirrahe and the others but…”

“They’ve got more than enough to deal with.” Shepard interrupted. “We took out those depots so that should be more than enough for them to keep Saren’s attention. Let’s get moving.”

Their path through the facility was difficult but nothing Shepard nor Garrus weren’t used to. It seemed the assault Kirrahe had planned was plenty enough distraction, as the patrols and guard within the outer-rim of the facility itself were much lighter. They found what was left of Kirrahe’s initial team. Though they begged to be released, Shepard refused it, especially after the ‘incessant whispering’ comment made Private Avot that struck all kinds of alarm bells with her after the encounter with Benezia and the Rachni Queen. Most of the salarians they encounter were too far in the indoctrination process to be saved. Some even fighting alongside the pockets of geth they’d encounter.

After clearing the landing zone for the Normandy, disabling the AA guns and disabling the krogan facility, Shadow Team pressed on. The main interior of the base was, suspiciously, rather unprotected as well. Shepard was surprised that some of Saren’s less combat-oriented staff had fled… aside from one asari who she threatened into opening the way to Saren’s main office and lab.

When they arrived, the turian was not there but Tali found what they had been missing; a second Prothean beacon. The device looked to be in more stable condition than the one on Eden Prime and Shepard found herself drawn to it. The VI responded to her proximity immediately and, without really knowing how she knew, Shepard activated some sequence on the alien device and the missing pieces of the message… no, a warning an the last words of a dying race, were burned into where the holes were.

“Shepard!” Garrus called, catching the woman before she toppled over.

“I… I’m fine. I have to get back to Liara… I have the whole message.” She said between winces of pain as her head throbbed heavily.

The building rumbled and Tali noticed a red VI interface floating on the platform above. The inquisitive quarian went up to investigate but it did not respond to her and even the interface itself was perplexing.

_ > Rudimentary creatures of blood and flesh. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. < _

“What… who’s there?” Tali called out, the VI flickering and moving in a way VIs shouldn’t.

Both Garrus and Shepard came up on the platform, guns drawn but seeing no threat. Shepard had thought Saren had arrived but the voice was not the turian’s. It was… unnatural was the best way she could think of it.

“Shepard…” Tali said, pointing at the interface hovering at the edge of the platform. “I don’t think that’s a VI.”

_ > There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign! < _

The color drained from Shepard’s face as it all suddenly, somehow, made sense. The Prothean’s dying message was indeed a warning. A warning against Sovereign and that which would follow it.

“Sovereign was never a ship. It’s a Reaper!” She exclaimed, another tremor running through the building.

_ > Reaper? A label created by the Protheans to give voice to their destruction. In the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are. < _

“That’s… that’s impossible.” Tali cut in, overwhelmed by their discovery. “That was more than ten thousand years ago. You couldn’t have been there!”

“This… thing isn’t just a machine.” Shepard said, pale with fear but gritting her teeth as she held to whatever scraps of courage she had left. “There are hundreds… no, thousands like it.”

_ > Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. Your extinction; inevitable. We are the end of everything. < _

“The Protheans fought you and we’ll fight you.” Shepard said. “I am not afraid of you!”

_ > Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken. The pattern has repeated itself more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory, they are extinguished. < _

“W-what…” The three of them said collectively, confused by the information Sovereign seemed to be relaying to them freely.

_ > Your civilization is based on the technology of the mass relays, our technology. By using it, your society develops along the paths we desire. We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it. < _

“The Protheans weren’t the first… but they figured it out.” Shepard muttered before finding her voice again as she faced Sovereign. “They knew they would lose but also left us a warning and now we’ve found it.”

The Reaper seemed to give pause there for a moment, kindling a tiny flame of hope but it was quickly extinguished.

_ > Your words are as empty as your future. I am the vanguard of your destruction. We are legion. The time of our return is coming. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom. < _

The glaring red interface suddenly vanished and the whole building quaked. Shepard fell to her knees, hands clapped over her ears as a piercing sound seemed to dig into her skull, like screams from hell echoed by metal scraping against metal. Her vision flickered between the cold metal underneath her, the hot sands of Akuze, and carved stone… somewhere she knew but didn’t at the same time. Garrus hauled her up to her feet, someone shouting over the comm-link.

“Calm the fuck down and repeat!” Shepard shouted back, senses still defeaned.

“S-sorry Commander!” Joker reported. “I don’t know what you did but you know that ship we saw on Eden Prime briefly? I just picked up its signal and it made a turn that would sheer a battle-cruiser in half! We have to get out of here!”

“Time to go! Kaiden! Tell me that bomb is ready?!”

“We’re all set here, Commander.” Kaiden reported in.

Shadow Team ran back through the core facility, luckily the elevator was quick. When they reached where they had planted the salarian device, she was relieved to see Kaiden and the team well. A shot richoted by her feet, causing an eruption of water and for her to look up in time to see Saren swoop in overhead on some kind of hovering platform. Geth poured in from doors that hadn’t been fully secured, forcing her and her team to cover as Kaiden stayed near the bomb to protect it.

“I am trying to save us!” Saren snarled as he threw a biotic blast at the storage container she was behind, making it rock and groan as the metal buckled from the force.

Shepard didn’t see the point in answering him but he had revealed himself. They didn’t have a lot of time, not with Sovereign coming straight for them. She rolled out from cover and took a shot at Saren’s platform, hitting one of the engines. The turian was thrown as the thing pitched, unable to compensate for the sudden loss of power. With everyone else focused on controlling the geth, Shepard broke cover and sprinted as Saren was picking himself back up. Just as the rogue SPECTRE was back on his feet, Shepard threw herself at him and the two went tumbling to the ground.

Sharp talons raked across her armor, barely missing her chin as Saren thrashed, expertly rolling and tucking his legs up to kick Shepard off of him. She went rolling a few extra feet and stopped short of the edge. She could see cybernetic parts and tubes sticking out of Saren’s left side, soulless metal eyes where his should have been in their sockets as he loomed over her.

“Stop this foolishness!” Saren snarled as he picked her up and dangled her over the edge.

Without having to look, Shepard knew there was a sheer drop under her. She manages to reach for the combat knife on her left gauntlet and slashes wildly. The blade cuts through several tubes connected to Saren’s arm. He drops her, the wind getting knocked out of Shepard’s lungs as her chestplate slams into the edge of the platform and she barely manages to find a grip to keep herself from completely falling off.

“Commander!” Kaiden shouted as he engaged Saren, forcing the turian to flee the facility.

He bent and hauled Shepard back up, picking up her knife and handing it to her. There was a flicker of gratefulness in her features before she assessed the situation they were in.

“Bastard got away.” Kaiden grumbled, noticing there was no trace of Saren at all.

“Commander! We’re getting hammered here!” Ashley called over the radio, the sound of gunfire nearly drowning her out.

“Fuck! Vakarian, Rayya! Let’s go. Alenko, finish up and get out, got it?” She ordered before jogging off towards Ashely’s position, Garrus and Tali quickly on her heels.

About halfway across the facility, every proximity alarm went off. Shepard looked at Tali in confusion and the quarian made a panicked gesture at her omnitool.

“The bomb’s been armed!!”

“What?!” Shepard shouted, immediately getting on the comm channel. She could hear gun fire and geth chittering on Kaiden’s end. “What the hell are you doing, Alenko?!”

“Geth just showed up. Have to make sure we finish this, Commander!” He shouted back, bullets striking uncomfortably close as the sound of geth seemed to be getting louder.

Shepard turned to head back but Alenko seemed to know what she was doing the moment she took that first step.

“No! You can’t save both of us Commander!” He shouted.

“Fuck that! Get his stupid ass, we can hold out here for a bit longer.” Ashley retorted loudly, still on the line as well.

“We both know you’re not going to Commander so just go!” Kaiden shouted over Ashley, the sounds of geth almost overtaking him. “I can hold here long enough to make sure the device goes off but you all need to go after Saren!”

Tears stung at Shepard’s eyes as she spat curses, knowing that Kaiden was right. One for the many. She turned back around and ran back towards the front of the base. Kaiden’s line had gone silent, likely to spare her the noise of his worsening situation as he dragged himself to the bomb, armor sliced open and bleeding from his leg as the geth pressed forward. He managed a glimpse of the Normandy as it was taking off, glad to know that they would escape in time.

Shepard didn’t even want to see the bright flash on the planet’s surface as they raced away. Her head felt like it was being ripped apart, needles shoved into the exposed matter. It took her a few moments to see through her anger, pain, and grief to remember what it was she had found in Saren’s base.

“Liara!” She shouts though the asari was only a foot or so away. “I, ngh, have the rest.”

Understanding dawned on Liara the moment Shepard grabbed her arm. She didn’t even think about finding a private corner to perform the meld. There was a great urgency in Shepard’s eyes that made her respond immediately.

It was like jumping into the ocean during a storm. Liara felt herself dragged down into the chaos that was Shepard’s mind. The Prothean message was complete; the coordinates led to a Mass Relay that had been knocked off course, to a planet long lost and where Saren was headed for now. Liara felt the keen throb of pain and turmoil was in as if it were her own but she had to force herself away before she drowned in it. When her vision cleared and her sense of reality returned, Liara found herself being held up by Garrus while Ashley was steadying Shepard, though the Commander’s skin had gone quite pale.

“I… Ilos!” Liara exclaimed. “The Mass Relay leads to Ilos! That’s where Saren is headed!”

“Joker! Set a course for the relay and… let the Council know we rescued what’s left of the STG team.” Ashley shouted, Shepard in no state to command. “C’mon, let’s get you to Dr. Chakwas.”

With Liara helping her by supporting Shepard’s other side, the two carry the Commander to the med-bay and lay her on a table while Dr. Chakwas fires up her instruments, insisting the two of them stay so she can screen them as well. An awkward silence settles between them as they wait.

“So… you and Cait, huh?” Ashley says without looking in the asari’s direction.

“Yes. It… just happened, I suppose.” Liara said, not sure why she was trying to explain it but it was hard to think clearly.

Ashley was quite for a while longer and Liara felt her cheeks burning. Of all people, she would figure that Ashley would have some kind of protest, as she’s shown xenophobic behavior quite a bit since she had arrived on the Normandy months ago. The woman sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“This is all just… fucked but it’s good she has someone like you, T’Soni. She needs someone like you, I think.” Ashley said, tilting her head to try and read a monitor Dr. Chakwas was partially blocking.

“T-thank you?” Liara stammered, surprised by the gunnery-chief’s words.

“You’re welcome. I know I haven’t been the kindest to any of you… aliens.” She says, wincing at the word. “But I don’t think we’d have gotten this far, especially without the ‘Prothean expert’ on board.” Ashley chuckled, the noise faltering as Dr. Chakwas approached them.

“Cait’s sedated, she needs rest. A lot of it. Now, let’s see about…”

Before the doctor could even finish, Joker called Ashley to the cockpit, leaving Liara to be tended to by the doctor. He turned his chair a little, a very pissed look on his face.

“The Council want us to return to the Citadel.” He grumbled sourly.

“What? We divert now we’re going to lose Saren!” Ashely snapped.

“I know! But what choice do we have? Cait’s indisposed and we’re…” Joker let it hang in the air and Ashley snorted.

“Ya, guess we don’t. Whatever the fuck they want, I hope it’s worth it.”


End file.
